Coaching - Using it effectively to transform yourself and others..
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Using it effectively to transform yourself and others..

Are you a coach? Yes, you are. You might not be aware of this, but chances are you are coaching people every day.

When you are talking to your spouse, your children, your colleague or your customers to convince them your ideas, you probably are unconsciously using some of the fundamental concepts of coaching -- and you may be using a few that are contrary to coaching as well.

I'm sure from your own experiences, you have realized that there are "good" ways to coach, as well as "bad" ways.. The truth is there are basic techniques needed to coach well. If you apply these effectively, you can be a successful business manager, parent, and teacher. You can be your own effective coach as well.

I started to practice my unique way of coaching two years ago. I developed it based on the principles recommended by Timothy Gallwey, a famous author and trainer of coaching whom I regard as my mentor in this area.

The fundamental principle that Timothy Gallwey states is key to effective coaching is recognizing that all people have self-healing power. Therefore a coach does not simply instruct the "coachee" on what to do or what not to do. Rather, your role as coach is to act as an advisor or counselor, inspiring and guiding the individual to find out the right answer on his or her own.

How do you help a person find out the answer that's right for them? By asking leading questions to guide them toward the answer . As a general rule of thumb, during an effective coaching session, a coach will spend only about 20% of the time asking questions,, with 80% of the time dedicated to allowing the coachee to answer.

Therefore, the less a coach talks, the more effective a coach will be.
Does that seem contrary to what you think? And when a coach isn't talking, it is essential to be a good listener. You must be patient and learn to listen for the "nuggets" of information that will help you form further questions to guide your "coachee."

Building trust is another important element of effective coaching. A "coachee" must develop a sense that he/she can speak honestly with the coach -- that the coach will not be judgmental and will not share any information with others without the person's permission.

When talking about "trust", there is a golden rule you have to remember. A person's comfort with you will depend on how much you make him/her like himself/herself.

What does this mean? It means that to establish a rapport with a person, you must demonstrate to the person that you care about, respect, and appreciate his/her own feelings, ideas, etc. Acknowledge past accomplishments. Find out their interests and express a desire to know about them. Doing all of these will help get you closer to and connect with your coachee.

So remember, people will like you when you make them like themselves.

And you will soon discover you will reach their inner circle. Once you do so, then is the best time to start coaching........

You might have a question -- is this useful in my career?

YES -- it is. The fact is everyone plays the role as a coach from time to time. Learning effective coaching skills can help you be a successful boss and a good co-worker and employee, as well as a better parent and a supportive spouse. These skills will be applicable in every corner of your life.

This will help your career, your interpersonal relationships and ultimately, your life as a whole.

I will discuss more about various counseling models and the questioning technique in my newsletter. Stay tuned!

From the Desk of
Damen Choy

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